Without the Suit
by Embodiment-Of-Fear
Summary: "I am NOTHING without the suit!" He seemed to choose those words carefully. What did Peter Parker really mean by it? Irondad and Spiderson angst ahead. Trigger warnings for suicide implications, neglect, verbal abuse and panic attacks.


(Starting with the hardcore shit! Trigger warnings for neglect, verbal abuse (implied and spoken) panic attacks and suicide implications (that never really happens though) Enjoy! Note that this was posted on wattpad and Ao3 as well, people are already on my back about how i copied like good god mind your own goddamn business)

I guess he took it the wrong way... Mr. Stark didn't understand that I truly am nothing without the suit. When Aunt May found out I was spiderman she was ecstatic.

"Finally a reason to keep you around!" She would say. From then on I got more food, she bought me random gifts and made some household upgrades. What was she holding back from me all this time? I didn't question it then but I should have when I had the chance.

"May I got something to tell you..." I went to tell her that evening.

"Sure Peter what's up?"

"Well uh, you see... Mr. Stark took the suit away... I'm no longer Spiderman." I awaited get her response, the quiet being worse than her pity tears I would assume follow.

"You little bitch..."

"Huh?"

"I DID SO MUCH FOR YOU. DID EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE YOUR FUTURE... NO, OUR FUTURES WERE BRIGHT. WITHOUT THIS SPIDERMAN GIG, YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY ME FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU! SO..." I watched in horror as she regained composure. "I would like you to pack a small bag, walk out the front door and never return here again." Her words dripped in icy coldness, one May never used before.

"Look maybe we should both just sleep on what happened tonight and speak about the matter in the morning..."

"Did I fucking stutter?" May's eyes met mine, her brown eyes dark with rage. "And as you pack this bag and look for an alleyway to call home, I'd like you to remember a phrase I said one night while drunk and now I say it to you every night. You are nothing without the suit." Her rough voice continued echoing in my mind as I left the room. I wouldn't tolerate any possible abuse I might get if I overstayed my welcome. The original spiderman outfit, some clothes, a water bottle with an instant filter straw, and some snacks were packed into a bag as I pulled up my hoodie.

"Last chance to apologize. I know you don't mean this."

"Your nothing without the suit. You are nothing without the suit... YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE SUIT!" A knife suddenly was flying by and my spidey sense kicked in as I dodged it. "Go... Before I murder you myself." And just like that, I was now homeless.

The streets were cold with the only light being a slither of the pale moonlight reflecting over the black sea that I've only been in for... 53 minutes. I shivered but suddenly I got an idea. My suit thermo- wait... Nevermind now it doesn't. I mentally cursed Mr. Stark but something came to my mind.

Maybe I deserve this.

I was put on this earth to be tortured, I managed to conclude. Aunt May never cares, my friends hang out with me cause they're bored. Stark never gave two shits about his charity case. The world never cared about me. They never wanted to know if Peter was ok.

I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit...

When I woke up the next morning, the mantra kept playing in my head. It kept me sane. It kept me from doing the unthinkable. No... I still won't do that. I heard my stomach rumble. Maybe I should just starve to do death. It would be a kinder fate at this point. No, I wouldn't give in. I'll get something cheap. Something to make my spirits lift. Burger King. Ya, there number 9 was only a dollar right now and at least the meat wasn't made from that weird pink glob. I walked a little way to one and entered. I order a number 9 large with a water bottle. Something to make sure thirst doesn't kill me. Once the food was ready I headed to a booth and ate in the empty burger king. At least it was safe and God did it taste like heaven right now.

Moments later, the door swung open. I turned to see who it was.

Fucking Tony Stark.

In a panic, I kept my head down and ate fast. Maybe he wouldn't notice. Hopefully, he already forgot who I was. He ordered a half off number 9 large with fries and a coke. As he went to fill his soda a voice yelled back.

"Wait for here or to go?" His eyes droned back to the lady but he saw me and looked a little closer.

"For here."

Goddamnit! I mentally groaned as he sat down across from me.

"And what brings you to an F tier restaurant when you could buy this chain and make it much better when in your account it looks like you bought a happy meal."

"There number 9 is amazing." He replied.

"I know right. It's simple, it's plain and yummy." Quickly I regained composure. He looked me up and down and I couldn't help but panic a bit. Please don't see the eye bags.

"You look like hell kid." Stark began, grumbling a bit.

"I just came back..." He took a long sip of soda before speaking once more.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Not really," I say, sarcasm lacing my words. "Been a pleasure Anthony Stark but I got places to be." I put my trash away and head for the door, extra water bottle still in my hand. I hear him come after me.

"Kid, are you sure your ok?"

If your nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it.

He doesn't care. He never will. He wanted to make money off you. To toy with your emotions. Don't let him win, go back to her.

Go back to her Peter. She knows what's best.

"PETER!" As I snapped back to reality, I could hear my heart pounding. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you're ok. I think we should talk about this a bit more-"

"Look I told you I gotta go so..." I ran outside and began webbing up some roofs.

"Kid come back!" but I was already so far away. I landed and went to hide in the alley as he looked for me. Once Tony passed right over my head I knew it was safe. More thoughts began to consume my mind and I just let it.

The pain was a nice break from this harsh reality.

That evening I sat atop a tall apartment building in New York, my legs dangling dangerously close off the edge. No, I wasn't considering jumping I just had things on my mind... I fantasized my future remembering a couple of things. So Tony and the other Avengers will be out of Stark Tower. They'll be upstate, never able to bother me again. As long as I avoided CPS and May my life would be bliss. As I let my mind wander, I felt my gravity suddenly disappear.

Shit.

I grabbed onto the nearest wall which happened to be an open window. Swiftly, I grabbed on and entered to regain my balance. Once I entered I examined the apartment. It was covered wall to wall in drawings of superhero and villains. He must be a comic book artist. In the center of the room, the man sat in a chair. He had white hair and glasses. The man looked up, confused for a moment before smiling.

"Oh, a visitor! Welcome. Would you like to hear about my latest comic chapter?" He asked.

"Uh sure..." The man offered me the pages, uncolored of course, to look through as he described what was going on.

"Basically her name is Gwen Stacy, a girl with the powers of a snake. She was New York's most powerful hero. But she was bullied in school and neglected at home. She ends up in a downward spiral by when she finally tells her mentor, Tim Sparrow, she finally can reach her full potential as a hero and start a new life with people who care." I paged through, the hero looked a little like me. Did he base the comics off spiderman?

"I think it is pretty cool. You should publish it!"

"Don't worry I'm trying to. Now go get some rest you have school. Though a little advice, don't hide things from those who care. They can help you through whatever is troubling you." He gave a little wink and I shivered quite the intuitive type.

"Who are you anyway?"

"You'll know when you see my name on your shelves." He replied, a glittery twinkle filling his eye. I headed to leave the apartment as I saw a little engagement with two letters.

S and L.

Days passed since the encounter with Tony at burger king. Haven't eaten anything else and tonight I finished the last drops of water. My throat was dry and the winds war cold. Little white specks dusted my shoulders but I shook it off. It still fell... It wouldn't snow right... Right? The snow began to fall harder and fear built in my stomach. Oh God, it wasn't supposed to snow for two more weeks!

I started webbing around looking for a new place to sleep. I noticed Avengers tower and decided to swing there then swing to the next lower buildings having better momentum. But of course Parker Luck struck again and my web fluid ran out as I hit the building fast first. My spider powers let me stick to the wall so I climbed up to a balcony to figure out my next moves.

"Pepper I told you to move the meeting to next Monday! Look I just... Need some air yea to know. Let's regroup after we cool off." In a panic, I realized it was now or never as I jumped off, praying I'd hit the roof of the next building when I feel something grab my shirt.

"Ok stunts over the. Were you wanting to die?" My face just fell blank. Of course

"No, I wanted to make it to that roof. If I wanted to die, Avengers Tower ain't the place to do the deed." I replied as I got pulled back onto the balcony, now facing my ex-mentor.

"Oh God your freezing, come inside. I think we should discuss a couple of things." My throat went tight and I went silent. Once inside, he basically rolled me up into a sushi roll within the blanket and he had me lay my head on his lap. My brain was going a mile a minute with my mantra but I slowly forgot it once Stark put on a Star Wars lego TV show on low volume. Of course, as I began to drift into sleep I didn't hear myself mutter 'I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit. I am nothing without the suit...'

That morning I woke up in a panic. Oh, no was I back at May's-

"Woah hey you ok there kid? Look a little freaked out." Stark said as he came over to the couch, a plate in hand.

"In alright, just forgot where I was."

"Welp made ya breakfast on the couch." He replied with a smile, sitting down with a plate. I thanked him and we are our food quickly and I stood up after, ready to head back onto the streets which I assume is full of snow now.

"Uh, kid where do you think you are going so fast? I wanna couple of answers before you head back." I tensed up before turning back. "Why were you in my balcony last night?"

"I ran out of web fluid and crash landed."

"I haven't seen reports of spiderman so I don't see why you need to be webbing around, especially late at night."

"Why do you even care Stark? I'm no longer spiderman so what can I even offer you? You had no reason to take care of Peter last night. He's just some kid from Queens whose life is falling apart. Everyone loves Spiderman because he can do something! But Peter Parker can't. You know it, my friends and family know it and I know it the best. I'm NOTHING without that suit! So why can't you just do me a favor and stay out of my bullcrap!" Silence passed between us and his eyes turned glossy.

Shit. I rushed to the door but Tony beats me to it.

"Jarvis, begin Peter comes first protocol."

"Activating."

"Jarvis unlock doors!" I yelled, banging at the locked living room door.

"Overridden." The thoughts quickly started to fill my mind.

Do you know why Tony is keeping you in here? Because he wants the spider powers for himself. He's gonna suck them out of you and then you'll truly be worthless! What will you do then? End your pitiful life or let the world keep torturing you like it always does. But one lesson will finally stick with you.

You are nothing without the suit.

You are nothing without the are nothing without the are NOTHING without the suit."Listen to me, Parker!" May began"YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE SUIT! YOU HEAR ME NOTHING!"

At that moment I reached my peak. Can't the voice ever shut up for once? Can't I live like a normal teen?

Nothing

NothingNothingNothingNothingNothing-

"Peter!" A voice finally yelled. I took a moment to take in my surroundings, collapsed on the floor a few inches from the door feeling sick to my stomach.

"I'm sorry Mr. Stark..."

"Don't apologize Underoos." Stark fell onto the floor next to me, holding me in a tight hug as I began crying into his shirt. I felt so weak but for the time in a bit, I felt safe. After all of my tears fell we moved to the couch, still feeling shaky.

"Look I know you're upset but you gotta talk to me. I can help you figure out the next best move for whatever is going on." Stark said as he put the blanket back over me.

"Alright, fine might as well... Basically, the short version, once you took away the spiderman suit, Aunt May freaked out, threw a knife at me, told me I'm nothing without the suit and left me on the streets." Stark began to take a couple of deep breaths before continuing.

"Kid... Why didn't you come to me? I would never want you to go through something like that."

"Because it's true. Without that suit, I'd be a worthless nobody with nothing to offer." I turned away, unable to look the hurt man in the eye.

"No of course not! Who told you anything like that!"

"Aunt May, every day for years. But then she found out I was spiderman after Germany and she finally accepted me! But of course my Parker Luck stuck and she kicked me out the moment she could. I'm sorry I should have resisted, stood up for myself. Without that suit, I'm weaker than you'd think."

"Peter Benjamin Parker. Don't listen to that bitch. Your Underoos! The kid with a photographic memory, high grades, and a level of genius that rivals mine. You're more than the suit kid. Always remember that." He extended his arms out for a hug.

"I thought we weren't there yet..." His face went blank.

"In that car, I was being as dumb as hell. We've always been there." I finally decided to give into the hug.

Even without the suit, for once I felt like I was worth something.

And that in itself is a start...


End file.
